I'm at the All Candy Expo

And it's not all candy, they have snack foods, too!

I'm so giddy I can barely contain myself! I'm blogging from the press room, with a variety of chocolates just an arm's length away. Must. Have. Self-control. OMG!

More later, including DH's commentary on the event.

Just another manic Monday

Any day that starts at 2:00 AM just isn't going to be a good one. Read more at MOMformation. To summarize, though: Smartypants, infected toe, trip to doctor delayed by a car with a dead battery, kids are late to school. Very late. The clouds of doom part around 10:30 after a trip to my favorite drive-thru.


Exclusive bonus follow-up: AAA guy shows up, discovers my car battery is not only dead, but dangerously corroded, sells me a new battery and installs it right there. And possibly flirts with me; I'm never good at judging that sort of thing. Years ago, though, when I was just barely pregnant with Pikachu my car died inexplicably in a Walgreen's parking lot, where I had gone to buy a pregnancy test. DH was home with our sleeping toddler, so I called AAA. The cutest guy came and got me started. He was like my knight in shining armor. I was so thankful as I drove off into the sunset. Oh, wait, that was a story about me flirting with the AAA guy.

Are you supposed to tip them?


Anyway, things are looking up now. Tomorrow, I'm headed to the All Candy Expo! I'll conveniently ignore the fact that all of my pants are tight because, OMG, the Candy Expo!

Here's a tasty morsel from last year's misadventures:

Eating my way through the All Candy Expo

The Expo was the equivalent size of nearly 10 football fields. In my first walk down one of the many aisles I tried a chocolate covered crispy cricket. It would have been wise to save something this adventurous until later in the show, but I survived. I did, however, vow to avoid eating insects for the rest of the day.

At the risk of sounding too much like the Very Hungry Caterpillar, I also sampled a dill pickle, chocolate covered sunflower seeds, some upscale nut snacks, and a smoked buffalo steak snack (like jerky, but less chewy). I also snagged a marshmallow crispie to bring home for the boys and a bag of caffeine-enhanced potato chips for DH.

On my trip down aisle two I stopped keeping track of what I sampled or grabbed to take home.

By aisle three, I nibbled the tasty morsels offered to me, but tossed most after a bite or two. By aisle 4 (the equivalent of maybe 2 football fields) I groaned with each glimpse of artificially colored high fructose corn syrupy gummy crap.

Another high-end, imported organic 65% cacao chocolate bar? Stop, I can't stand it! Oh, I can take the whole thing home to try? Oh, okay, sure.

By 1:00 I was spent. I looked like a pack mule with my overstuffed bags of candy. I felt like an overstimulated toddler after her birthday party, crashing down from my sugar high. I wanted a nap so badly I could have cried. But one thing stood between the parking lot and me: The Treasure House.

Loosen your belt a notch and read on.... I vow to have more self-control this year even when faced with handful upon handful of my favorite chocolates.

My recent epidural. What? You didn't even know I was pregnant?

I'm not pregnant; I shouldn't even joke about such things. But I really did have an epidural last week. I guess "epidural" is the generic term for sticking a needle into a person's spine.


And it's every bit as fun as it sounds. The deal is I have a herniated disc, several actually, but one in particular that's been slowly stalking me and waking me every night, my personal incubus, if you will (if you will see definition #3, that is.).


When I wrote about my pain in the butt, it was quite uncomfortable, but as the months passed, the pain increased. So I wound up back at the back doctor, the guy who recommended surgery when I had a similar problem last year. I got an MRI (hello $5,000 insurance deductible!), and finally sought relief in the form of a needle in my spin.



Ironic, huh? Relief from a needle in my spine.



Apparently I should have eaten a decent meal before I went to get my shot, but I only grabbed a little snack on my way out of the house. And as I sat waiting and waiting for Dr. N, who, come to think of it, falls into the Dr. McDreamy category, I perused the Rachael Ray mag a PR hack sends me every month. With each new page, the foods looked more and more appealing. my stomach began to growl.



Then he entered the room and we got down to bidness.



I knew the shot would be unpleasant. I'm aware the kind of epidural a woman gets during childbirth provides immediate relief, but this one can take 10-14 days to kick in. I wasn't expecting instant gratification. But when he poked me with that needle, my eyeballs shot out of my head and bounced off the wall before they resettled in their sockets. I felt a searing pain follow the nerve form my spine down my butt and into my upper thigh. ("At least he hit the right spot!" She thought hopefully.)



A quick blood pressure check and then I was off to pick up my boys, just a mile away at school. But even though I had an acceptable blood pressure level, I felt a bit lightheaded. Somewhat reminiscent of the time I nearly (or maybe did) pass out after giving blood because I didn't stick around the blood center long enough to digest my sweet snack.



I did a quick mental inventory of what snacks might be tucked away in my bag: nothing but breath mints. My car: glove compartment- empty, arm rest- maybe a lollipop, backseat- nothing but crumbs, lots and lots of crumbs. Then I remembered a sealed container of cashews tucked away in a secret back compartment. I always keep a little something in case we get stuck in a storm or something.



Am I nuts for keeping those nuts in my car? Every time I hear about a major travel delay (planes, trains, automobile), natural disaster (tornado, earthquake, you name it) or terrorist incident (remember those people who get held captive in a Russian opera house a few years ago?). I feel compelled to keep food with me. On our recent trip to two-day trip to Death Valley, I brought a week's worth of crackers and snack bars with us...just in case, you know?



Despite the foreshadowing, I did not faint. I got the boys home from school with crashing the car, though I did at one point yell at them, "Can you just quiet down and behave for a few minutes?! I'm about to faint here!"



But I think they can work through that in therapy.



Once we were home though, I jumped into bed and, well, I crashed there for about 20 minutes until it was time to take Pikachu to his ball game. I felt refreshed enough to head out by that point.



As for my back, I still have some pain, but I'm sleeping through the night for the first time in months, which is a Very Good Thing. Now that the nerve pain has subsided a bit, I'll either do stretches or yoga and get my back straightened out, or start physical therapy to rid myself of my crooked ways. I've developed this odd leaning posture as a way to relieve the nerve pressure. I'm only 5 feet tall, I need to stand up straight as I can!



So there it is: a shot in the spine can be mighty fine.

A virtual Camp Baby reunion

Some of the Camp Baby bloggers are going to hold reunions in the form of a weekly post roundup. Here's what some of my newest blog friends were up to last week.

Moms Favorite Stuff...Mom's Favorite Stuff reviews the new offerings from Alex Casey Baby including the crayon caddy.

From Dates to Diapers...Tiny Prints -- A Giveaway! Enter to win a set of announcements!

Soy is the New Black... Supa Star! Leeanthro describes her daughter's latest attempt to ham it up in front of a crowd.

Pinks and Blues...finds a product to help make potty training your toddler easier- The Potty Watch from One Step Ahead.

Over at MOMformation Kristina announces big news...I'm having a baby today and I posted a review of Just Tell me What to Say.

Finally, Classy Mommy Reviews Bellybar Shakes, her latest food and beverage obsession. Totally scrumptious. Perfect during pregnancy or breastfeeding.

I spoke too soon (again)

Um, yeah, forget that last post, because I just remembered that I'm also celebrating Mother's Day with a mention in the Chicago Tribune's Q Section today in the story, The kids are all right (no thanks to Mom).



As the title suggests, it's a tribute to bad parenting. Look for me on page two of the piece. Yeah, I'm the one teaching her kids to surf for Internet porn (as explained in this post).

Finally! Proof that I have not completely screwed up as a mother

Read all about my proud mommy moment and share one of your own (you must have at least one, yes?) at MOMformation.


Happy Mother's Day!

Just in time for the new mattress

A present from the Crotch Queen! I just received Yours+Mine, a new addition to the KY line brand designed for couples. Erm, make that heterosexual couples if one is a stickler for following directions.

Yours+Mine comes in a box that designed to open like a book, which of course, I didn't figure it out until I tore it into shreds.

The idea is a partner A applies one lubricant (Yours) and Partner B applies the other (Mine) and together they combine to create a new, unexpected and very satisfying experience. At least according to what I read on the box.

Two images come to mind: the old you, got your chocolate in my peanut butter commercials and the wild, explosive combo of pop (soda, as some of you call it) and fizzy pop rocks. Hmmmm.

I tried it out...on the back of my hand. No blistering or odd, skin reactions. That's a good sign, but I think it needs a more active trial. Which can also put our new mattress cover ("guaranteed to prevent bodily fluids from staining the mattress") to the test. Okay, I'm grossing myself out. How are you doing?

I dare say all product results from this point on will be unbloggable. I may hold a related giveaway, but if not, look for Yours+Mine in a store near you starting next week.