Monday, September 20, 2010

We Moved in with My Parents for Few Months

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Originally posted to The Chicago Moms.

Yes, we moved in with my parents for a few months... back in 2008. And we are still here due to circumstances none of us ever imagined back then. Had we glimpsed into a crystal ball , we would have made different choices. I think we all regret to the current situation to some degree.

But here we are.

Not that there haven't been lovely moments, and funny ones. But. Ugh. Can any 40-something proudly admit, she schedules parties around her parents' vacation schedule?

I've been pretty quite about this on my blog. I've missed some good stories, but they were not meant to be shared. I've got enough fodder to write a book, but surely the most engaging parts would not be the communal family dinners we enjoyed or our happy times, but the disagreements, the unpleasantries, the times when someone should have bit his or her tongue instead of letting it fly. Things that are not meant to be shared.

I mean, how fun it might have been to share my parents' quirky habits, but it would not have been worth the cheap laugh. And now you know why I never responded to my mother's request to help her start a blog; she might be writing about me! (And thank goodness my kids don't have blogs either, for that matter.)

Really, my P's have been outstanding sports about this whole unexpectedly and entirely too long visit of ours. I'm incredibly grateful because I realize that while my crew may have added a bit of zing and a lot of love (aforementioned disagreements aside) to their golden years, we've also added a loads of mess and more noise and whining they than ever anticipated at this point in their lives (heck, on a daily basis, I encounter more whining and noise than I ever anticipated).

Finally, our third year into this not-so-little misadventure, we are in a good spot. Business is going well for me, hubs just moved into a permanent position, and we are looking for a house, a home of our own.

When we've got one, I can't wait to throw a big party. I'll still plan around my parents' travel schedule, but this time it will be so they can join in on the fun.


Kristi said...

Life can be messy! I'm so happy you have a warm loving family who was happy to help you out though. (I do too. Priceless!) Also super happy you are 'moving on up' and your hubby has his permanent position.

Michele said...

I know the feeling Kim. We moved in with my mom upon our return to San Diego earlier this year and well, the experience was humbling and eye-opening all at once. There were moments when I felt embarrassed but mostly I felt irritated by a social view says that being a "boomerang kid" is the worst than a criminal act. My older sister even teased me for it, but I refused to let her opinion (or anyone else's) negate the beautiful memories that were created despite circumstances that we hadn't fully planned for.

For me, moving back with my mom was more than a practical necessity. It was a faith move. For the first time in a long time I had to trust others (and God) for help and not rely totally on myself. I'm glad I did. We moved into our own home earlier this month and it was perfect. :)

Jennifer said...

My mother-in-law moved in with us for a while when she moved across the country...I know how "funny" it can be, in other words. :)

Congrats on your spouse's job and your success, Kim. Maybe I'll be able to fly in Chicago for your eventual open house party, myself! And move in. KIDDING.

April said...

There is actually research that suggests that children who come from homes with not just their parents, but their grandparent, fare better. I had to move in with my parents when I left my husband and felt just as "proud" as you. But sometimes the socially-accepted "norms" aren't what's ideal for our families. So really, we should be proud of ourselves for doing what was best for our families, despite the supposed abnormality of it all.
Having said that, I'm glad your family is in a place where you can see such a fabulous future!

Bonggamom said...

Congratulations on your husband's new position! I hope you find a great home for your family and I'll bet you'll find yourself missing your parents company more than you realize :)

Sara (from Saving for Someday) said...

Kim, your post is open and honest and gentle and humble. Few would choose to move back in with their parents after being on their own. But life doesn't always give us other options. It sounds like you've made the best of what could have really become a terrible situation. And for as much as you were frustrated, you knew and realized so were your parents.

My brother has been in a very similar situation, living with is wife and 3 children with her parents for what has now been 2 years. He, like you, does his best to maintain a positive outlook. Not just on the living situation but also on the long term goals.

Normal is relative. Your appreciation for what was the lifeline to a sense of structure for your children is well shown in your post. I'm sure you had to dig very deep within some days, but rest assured that regardless of the squabbles and tight lipped words, the rolled eyes or snappy responses, there will be sadness when you and your family leave your parents home for your new home.

They did this for you not because they had to, but because they wanted. They did this not out of obligation but of love not only for their daughter but their son-in-law and grandchildren.

In the end, it is but one small part of the journey we call life.

There's no shame in having to take temporary shelter with your parents when the only other alternative is the street.

I lived with my grandparents for several years. The day my grandfather passed away was a terribly day. Not because he was my grandfather, but because he was also my friend. Something I would not have had if I had not lived with them.

Keep your heart filled with love!